The good news about marriage is: there’s good news about marriage. Turns out the 50% divorce rate that we’ve been quoting since the 70’s is an urban legend!
Bad News about Marriage
Shaunti Feldhahn, a well known Harvard-trained researcher spent 8 years unraveling the mystery behind the hopelessness about marriage. Her book is called The Good News About Marriage (this is an affiliate link). Here’s what she found:
- The initial research and future projections on the divorce rate were done at the time that no fault divorces came on the scene (1970’s) which temporarily skyrocketed the divorce rate. There was never a 50% divorce rate, but that number was a projection based on the situation in the 70’s. The actual divorce rate has always been significantly lower and has been declining since 1980. The actual divorce rate is in the range of 28-30%.
- Remarriages aren’t doomed, either. Most people have erroneously believed that 60% of 2nd marriages and 73% of 3rd marriages fail. Shaunti’s analysis found no data whatsoever supported these inflated numbers. She found that roughly 33% of 2nd marriages end in divorce.
- It’s been widely reported that there is no difference between the divorce rate in general and the divorce rate among Christians. But as Shaunti drilled down into the current research, she found that among Christian evangelicals who were weekly attenders at church, the divorce rate is even lower, 25%.
Good News about Marriage
Does it really matter that the divorce rate was an urban legend, that the inflated numbers were wildly wrong? This research really could make a difference to couples who are struggling and feeling hopeless about their marriage. How many throw in the towel and get divorced because they believe it’s only a 50-50 chance they can make it? How many have put off marriage, or shied away from it, because they didn’t want to make the same mistakes their parents made?
This urban legend is diabolical, and those who hope only in this world will be discouraged by it.
Research also shows that when couples are in a tough spot in their marriage, if they will hang in there and work it out, most find that 5 years later they are in a much better spot, and are so grateful they didn’t call it quits.
Debunking the legend is really helpful and hopeful. However, our true hope should be in God’s plans for our marriages. He promises to guide us to have life-giving relationships, peace, and hope. He hates divorce and will always show you the way to life and peace, if you will only let him.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV
…because U count, deb