Are you a control freak in your marriage like me? Women tend to lean toward control, and men tend to lean toward passivity. God knows our nature and He has a plan to bring us into harmony.
Are you a Control Freak like me?
Our first-born, Jason, was around a year old the first time I left him for a weekend with Bruce. In my typical fashion, I created a document with pages of details about how to take care of him, giving a schedule of what I thought were the essentials.
Bruce read it and then asked me, “how many times a day does he eat?” I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I’m sure my eyes were rolling when I grabbed it back from him to diligently provide more instructions!
I remember feeling like it was so much work for me I might as well just stay home. How defeating for Bruce! I know I often treated him like he was a child, incapable of handling any task at home.
No wonder he wasn’t eager to help out!
God’s Plan for Marriage is Unity
I didn’t know it then, but women tend to lean toward being in control and men lean toward passivity. The more a wife insists on controlling things, the more a husband will retreat into passivity. In our fallen nature, we mistakenly think his passivity is a sign we need to ramp up our controlling nature.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
This wasn’t Gods original plan for marriage. His plan was for couples to work together in unity, sharing in decision making. But we all know what happened. Adam and Eve did not work together, and they got all of us into a boat-load of trouble! In the garden God foreshadowed the ultimate conflict of most couples.
To the woman he said, “… Your desire will be for [control over] your husband, and he will rule over you.”
Genesis 3:16 NIV
To Woman, God says you desire to be in control over your husband but that led to a path of destruction. Therefore I’m directing you to submit to him.
To Man, God says you desire to be passive and let someone else lead but that led to a path of destruction. Therefore I’m directing you to take the lead.
God still considered each of them as equals, and throughout Scripture, He shows His great regard for women, far above others in Biblical times. But He set up a hierarchy, an assignment of roles, to help couples be unified and enabled to work together well.
God’s Plan Works well if
When I was that young mom, my best instructions to Bruce would have been, “just keep him alive until I get home and have fun! You can’t really mess him up that much.”
In retrospect, my strict agenda wasn’t important at all. What was important was bonding between father and son.
If one of you stops and lovingly follows Gods plan the other will be more likely to do so.
Here’s a great program on the subject from Family Life Radio: You, God, and Your Marriage.
…because U count, deb