How can my marriage thrive when we are spiritually mismatched? If just one of you is thriving in your faith, you will breathe life into your mismatched marriage.
What is a Mismatched Marriage?
It probably won’t come as a surprise to you, but most of us marry someone very different from ourselves. In fact, in one study, 69% of couples were different in every personality trait measured.
Our differences can show up in church. Spouses may differ on how to pray, how to worship, and how to grow closer to God. Sometimes the differences are so great the other spouse has no interest in God at all.
When one spouse is a believer and one isn’t it’s a mismatched marriage. It can be difficult when one spouse wants to live on purpose for God and the other doesn’t. Almost every facet of married life is challenged.
How can I Thrive in a Mismatched Marriage?
Our faith is important to us and when we are not unified in this area it hurts. We want to share our love for God with our spouse, but when that doesn’t work we may resort to arguing, cajoling, shaming, or forcing him.
This almost never works!
The key behavior for you, as one half of the marriage union, is to grow consistently in intimacy with God. This results in you becoming more like Christ. His love, His wisdom, and His inspiration will flow through you.
Pray for your husband and love him unconditionally, as Christ loves you. There is no guarantee that your spouse will receive Christ. We each have to make a personal choice for Jesus, and no one can force another person to do so. But even if he never does start to follow Christ, you will still be able to love him unconditionally and have a thriving spiritual life yourself.
Resources for a Mismatched Marriage
In relationship challenges I would often ask myself, what did I do to deserve this? It was as if I were asking God, why is this prickly person in my family, in my life? God showed me that I was asking the wrong question. The right question for me to ask in a relationship challenge is – God, why am I in this person’s life? In a mismatched marriage, ask God, why am I his wife?
Here are some prayers based on Scripture to get you started.
- Lord, let me be a light to my husband-like a city on a hill that cannot be hidden. Let my light shine before him, so that he will see my good deeds and glorify you. (Based on Matthew 5:14,16)
- Abba, thank you for my husband. Help me focus on his many good qualities and be an encouragement to him. Show me where I fail to love him like you do. Let my conduct win him over to you without me even saying a word. (Based on 1 Peter 3:1-2)
Books that I have found helpful include these (affiliate links):
- Winning Him Without Words by Lynn Donovan
- Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage by Lee Strobel and Leslie Strobel
- The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian