Keeping score in marriage will never produce a winning marriage. I know, I used to be a master at score-keeping.
I Kept Score
It seems ridiculous now, but every time I had to replace an empty toilet paper roll with a full one, I would fume.
- “Nobody knows how to change the TP roll but me.”
- “I always have to do this myself.”
- “What am I, a servant?”
I never really saved up the rolls I changed, but I did collect numerous resentful feelings. The rolls in the photo were donated by many friends who, I’m sure, never keep score in their marriages!
Toilet rolls weren’t the only thing I kept track of. Inside-out socks also sent me right over the edge! As embarrassing as it is to admit, I would rant and rave if I had to turn a sock right-side out when I did laundry.
Once I assembled the entire family and sarcastically explained to them, step by step, how to remove socks from their feet without turning them inside-out.
It was just too taxing for me to have to do that on top of all the other work I did!
My husband, to his credit, never failed after that lesson to fill the laundry basket with perfectly right-side-out socks. I truly don’t deserve the amazing husband I got!
Stop Keeping Score and Start Keeping Peace
The two most powerful forces in any relationship are appreciation and resentment… Appreciation attracts. It builds a relational bridge that invites people to move closer. Resentment repels. It sends a clear message that the other person is unwanted.
Marcus Warner
My sense of appreciation grew through the years as I became acquainted with my Lord Jesus Christ. Gradually my tally of resentments fell by the wayside and I started gathering grateful thoughts instead.
Resentment and appreciation are both self-replicating. The more resentment I expressed the more resentful I felt. But when I started to express appreciation, the more appreciative I felt.
Both Bruce and I have changed so much in the past 43 years. I’m so glad that I have now recovered sufficiently enough to change a tp roll with a smile on my face.
I do have to let you know, Bruce is still careful to remove his socks the right way, however! I guess my ‘lesson’ really sank in.
[Love] is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
1 Corinthians 13:5 AMPC