Sometimes the wives I mentor can’t recall one positive trait of their husband. They have spent so much time dwelling on the negatives, they truly believe there are no positives at all. However, in Emerson Eggerich’s words, they probably didn’t marry “Hitler’s long lost cousin.”
Surely there was something positive about him.
In Neuroscience terms…
In neuroscience terms, they have simply focused on and memorized the negative traits and neglected and forgotten the positive ones that attracted them in the first place.
Focusing on the negative puts us into a state of stress, and stress hormones are produced in our bodies. They make us feel bad, and that seems to verify that what we are thinking is really true. “I did marry Hitler’s long lost cousin after all!”
Marriage is complicated, for sure. If you have fallen in love with an abuser and are in danger, get somewhere safe and seek healing for yourself. God did not call you into abuse.
Challenge yourself with Kindness
Do you suspect you have fallen victim to your own negative thoughts? Do you struggle to come up with any positive traits of your husband? Is your mind filled with thoughts that there is something wrong with him, or that he intentionally deceived you before you were married? These negative thoughts can put you into a constant state of stress, causing physical and emotional disease.
To break the negative thought pattern
Last fall we hosted a 30 Day Kindness Challenge study group at our church, it was filled with energy and insight. The couples loved it, and Bruce and I personally felt closer because of our investment into such a simple concept. It’s amazing what small changes are really needed to improve a marriage or any relationship.
Control Freaks – Control your Thoughts!
Too often, we don’t really think about what we’re thinking about. For most of my life I just let my negative thoughts run amok through my mind. I struggled with gut problems and insomnia as a result. I was short tempered with everyone. Living life like that was so unhealthy!
God mentions our thought life many times in the Bible. He always lets us know that we are in control of our thoughts. In the passage below he gives us permission to demolish deceptive thoughts and break every arrogant attitude we have.
Most women I know claim to be control freaks – they like to control their lives, their husbands, their kids, and everything else around them. The one thing that most of us don’t bother to control is our thoughts! It’s ironic, don’t you think, that we don’t control the one thing God gives us control of! But instead, we try to control the many things we aren’t in control of.
We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One.
2 Corinthians 10:5 TPT
Think about what you’re thinking about. Take the arrogant, negative thoughts and replace them with the humble truth: God created your husband in His image and God loves him dearly, too.
…because U count, deb