Love Covers Much

We mentor married couples who are struggling, and also lead a large group of other marriage mentors at our church campus. We hear many spouses tell us that they don’t feel loved anymore. When I picked up Shaunti’s book and started reading it this week, I was inspired to make sure those spouses know about this research.

Just ‘feeling’ like your spouse doesn’t love you isn’t necessarily true. I have heard many stories from wives who tell me about their deep disappointment with their husbands. Most of those wives are apt to believe he just doesn’t love me anymore.

Shaunti’s research proves otherwise. Almost 41% of spouses believed their mates didn’t love them. But almost all of those were  (andead wrong about their assumptions.

Does that make a difference in how you feel about your marriage? Do you feel that the love is gone and that’s it? Shut off the lights and move on?

Other research shows that most people who divorce believe years later that they could have made it had they stuck in there a little longer.

Research also shows that if a couple who is struggling works through it, most will be in a much better place within 5 years.

Love Deeply

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins [lies]” (‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV).

The Scripture quote above encourages us to love deeply. Love so deep that the surface disappointments, the failed expectations, and the unhappiness doesn’t weigh down the love underneath it all.

Highly happily married couples believe their spouse loves them even when things are not going well. Even in the middle of an argument, they know, deep down inside, my husband loves me.

When a spouse comes home from work angry and short with his wife, a highly happily married wife will say to herself, “He must have had a bad day at work,” and not “He doesn’t love me anymore.”

The Scripture quote also reveals the truth that ‘love covers a multitude of sins.’ I added [lies]. If you are a wife and you believe your husband doesn’t love you anymore, you could be believing a lie (and “Do not lie” is one of the 10 Commandments!).

That lie could be devastating to your marriage, your children, your financial stability, and to the rest of your life.

Be Encouraged

I don’t want to encourage you to stay in an abusive marriage. If you are in danger, you need to get somewhere safe.

I hope you are encouraged today to believe the best about your spouse. Even in struggling marriages, love was still the glue that held them together. Only 3% of the couples Shaunti researched had truly lost their love for one another.

If your spouse seems angry and resentful, try acting loving to him. When you are in a bad mood, how would you want to be treated? Seek to understand more than you seek to be understood. You will probably find that a tiny change in your behavior goes a long way toward changing the trajectory of your marriage.

…because U count, deb