You’ve seen the quote, “If only needy and desperate were attractive qualities.” Ask any single who is looking for a mate and they will probably agree. There are lots of needy and desperate people. God wants us to be needy, actually. We get into trouble not because we are needy, but because we look in the wrong places to fill our needs. Here’s how to stop being needy, God’s way.
What does being needy mean?
The Urban Dictionary defines being needy as
- Desperate
- Clingy
- Annoying
- Insecure
- Poor
- Lonely
- Loser
- Stupid
- Obsessive
- Pathetic
- Fake
- Selfish
- Thirsty
- And a whole lot more words I won’t put in a blog post
The Art of Charm blog recently posted 5 Signs You Are Needy and How It is Affecting Your Life.
Here is a list of the 40 basic needs every person has. Each of us would rank these needs differently based on our personality and life experiences.
- Be Accepted
- Be Acknowledged
- Be Admired
- Be Appreciated
- Be Approved of
- Be Believed in
- Be Capable
- Be Cared About
- Be Challenged
- Be Clear (not confused)
- Be Competent
- Be Confident
- Be Forgiven
- Be Forgiving
- Be Free
- Be Fulfilled
- Be Heard
- Be Helped
- Be Helpful
- Be Important
- Be In Control
- Be Included
- Be Listened to
- Be Loved
- Be Needed
- Be Noticed
- Be Powerful
- Be Private
- Be Productive
- Be Reassured
- Be Recognized
- Be Respected
- Be Safe
- Be Supported
- Be Treated Fairly
- Be Trusted
- Be Understanding
- Be Understood
- Be Valued
- Be Worthy
Basically being needy means needing more from a person than they are able or willing to give to you. Every person has needs, and every person is trying to get their needs met. If we expect one person to meet all our needs we are always going to be disappointed. There are two reasons for this.
- The other person may not really understand our need and how to meet it
- The other person is trying to get his own set of needs met
Many of us search a lifetime to get those compelling needs met, and may never accomplish that. Because we are looking in the wrong place. We get angry at the people we expect to meet our needs, and we think they have failed us.
But the failure is really ours. We have failed to look in the right place for our confidence.
God Supplies all our Needs
In the Bible, Paul found the secret to stop being needy. The secret is looking to God for fulfillment.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:11-13, 19 NIV).
There is truly no person who can always meet all our needs, every single day of our life. The only one who can do that is God, through His son, Jesus Christ. Jesus is the perfect man, the only complete man ever born. He is completely fulfilled, confident and powerful. He has no needs at all, but He understands our needs. He knows each one of us like the back of His own hand. He knows what it feels like to be in our skin.
So Jesus knows what our needs are, and He is equipped and willing to meet them, every single day of our life. Below I’ve listed each of the four personality categories along with their particular emotional needs and Scripture verses to show how Jesus meets those needs.
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If you are not sure what your personality type is, click Personality Key to take a free assessment. You will be provided with a report listing your four personality type percentages along with lots of valuable information.
Look at the following list of needs according to your strongest personality type and pray through the accompanying verses. What are your most compelling needs? Ask Jesus to meet them.
Emotional Heart Needs
He accepts you. Jeremiah 1:4-10
He admires you. Proverbs 4:9
He appreciates you. Isaiah 64:3
He approves of you. Proverbs 4:8
He forgives you. Isaiah 1:18; 38:17; 46:22
He sets you free. John 8:32, Galatians 5:1
He hears you. Isaiah 30:19
You are important to Him. Isaiah 64:4
He loves you. Proverbs 8:17, John 3:16, 1 John 3:1
He recognizes you. Isaiah 54:17
Phlegmatic Soul Needs
He asks you to be forgiving. Luke 6:27, Matthew 6:12, 14
He fulfills you. Isaiah 65:13-14
He helps you. Isaiah 40:11, 44:2, 57:14
He includes you in His plans. Isaiah 57:15d , Jeremiah 29:11
He listens to you. Isaiah 65:24
He notices you. Isaiah 49:15-16
He respects you. Isaiah 45:4
He understands you. Proverbs 1:1-7
He values you. Isaiah 43:4
He counts you worthy. Isaiah 44:21, Jeremiah 1:4-10
Melancholy Mind Needs
He believes in you. Jeremiah 1:4-10
He cares about you. Isaiah 49:13; 54:8
He clearly instructs you. Isaiah 33:6
He needs you. 1 Peter 4:10, Joshua 22:5
He allows you privacy. Psalm 17:8, Psalm 18:1-2
He reassures you. Isaiah 41:10, 1 Peter 5:7
He keeps you safe. Isaiah 43:2,5; Proverbs 1:33
He supports you. Isaiah 33:2; 46:3-4
He treats you fairly. Isaiah 45:19, Proverbs 2:8
He understands you. Psalm 139:23
Choleric Strength Needs
He acknowledges you. Psalm 62:12, Isaiah 43:4
He finds you capable. Isaiah 65:23, Proverbs 4:12
He challenges you. John 16:33, Romans 12:21
He finds you competent. Isaiah 54:15, Proverbs 2:7
He gives you confidence. Isaiah 45:2-3, Psalm 16:3
He allows you to be helpful. John 6:28-29
He allows you to be in control. Proverbs 4:26, Jeremiah 1:4-10
He gives you power. Isaiah 40:29-31
He makes you productive and useful. Isaiah 46:10-11
He trusts you. Matthew 25:21,23
God needs you
God is ready to meet your needs, whenever and whatever they are. He has a vested interest in your being fulfilled, powerful, and confident. Why? He has plans for you to showcase His wonderful love to the world around you. You can’t do that if you are needy and desperate.
God needs you to need Him. Will you let Him meet those unmet needs? Will you let the pressure off your family and friends and instead lean hard on Jesus?
He’s knocking on the door of your heart right now, will you let Him in?
…because U count, deb