What is your recipe for marriage? What steps did you take before entering into the union? What ingredients were incorporated into your relationship? My last post defined the term “true love”. In this post I will attempt to provide a recipe for finding true love in a successful marriage.
There are a couple recipes for marriage, each has specific steps to accomplish, and different success rates.
Recipe for love marriage
In the U.S., we most often form our marriages based on love. Our recipe for love marriages looks like this.
- Fall in love
- Make a commitment for marriage
- Make an informed decision based on facts
In marriages of love, we don’t usually give much thought to the person or qualities we are looking for. We wait until “Mr. Right” comes along. We allow ourselves to fall in love based on not much other than hormones. Then we jump right in and make a commitment.
Following the commitment, and as the flames of new love die down, we begin to think through the facts. Our minds go around and around, considering all the qualities, strengths and weaknesses of the spouse. In 50% of the cases, we then make the informed decision to leave the marriage. This 50% divorce rate applies to the first marriage.
For second marriages, the divorce rate is 67%, and for third marriages, it’s 74%. Apparently we don’t learn from our mistakes, and we pass this family recipe down to our children.
Recipe for an arranged marriage
Arranged marriages are not very common or popular in this country. I recently blogged about arranged marriages. The recipe for an arranged marriage goes somewhat like this:
- Make an informed decision based on facts
- Make a commitment for marriage
- Fall in love
For traditional arranged marriages, the informed decision is not usually made by the bride and groom, but someone (usually the parents) makes a non-emotional, fact-based decision. Based on that decision, a commitment is made, and in most cases, love follows.
As much as we in America don’t like to admit it, this recipe seems very successful. The divorce rate for arranged marriages is 4%. That sounds like a successful recipe.
Successful recipe for marriage
If you had a recipe for chocolate cake that turned out wrong 50% of the time, wouldn’t you look for a new recipe?
Maybe our recipe for a love marriage is not the best recipe. I’m not promoting traditional arranged marriages, I doubt that in our culture it would ever fly. Our kids are much too independent. However, shouldn’t some consideration be given to informed thought before falling helplessly in love and making a commitment?
…because U count, deb
Photo credit: Dennis Skley via Compfight
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