What is your real-life marriage story? If you created a timeline of your marriage, it most likely would include graduations, weddings, births, etc. But if God created a timeline of your marriage, which significant events might he include?
What is a Marriage Timeline?
A marriage timeline is just a picture of the important events of your marriage. Usually the events are in the order in which they occurred. We recently blogged here about Anniversary Timelines. There are lots of fun ways to display your timeline, click the photo for just one (affiliate link).
We normally fill our marriage timelines with happy celebrations. Events where everyone is dressed up and there’s good food. Marking out our lives this way helps us remember the important times, the people we loved who gathered with us, and the changes these events brought into our lives. And those are important things to remember!
But, if God were to create a timeline of your marriage, which events would he include? His timeline might not include any of those fancy events. Wouldn’t he be more interested in the everyday moments that had real spiritual significance? We call these moments Defining Moments. They could also be called Kairos or Holy Moments; significant moments that can change the projection of your life, regardless if you’re all dressed up or wearing torn jeans and a t-shirt.
These are the moments we refer to when we talk about our real-life story.
What are Kairos or Holy Moments?
The word kairos is a Greek word used in the Bible’s New Testament. It means a time when things are brought to a crisis, or an opportune time. You could also say it is a turning point or a defining moment. It’s also referred to as a holy moment. Kairos is used in the following verse.
The time (kairos) is fulfilled, and the Kingdom of God is at hand, repent and believe in the gospel.
Mark 1:15
This passage is often used to explain what a kairos moment is. The important thing about a kairos moment is not the specific date but the spiritually important thing that happened. When we sense that a moment is important, that maybe God is trying to get our attention, we are to ask ourselves two questions:
- What does God want me to know about this moment?
- What does God want me to do in this moment?
In the passage above, God wanted his people to know that the Kingdom of God is at hand. And what did God want them to do? Repent and believe the gospel.
How can we Recognize a Kairos or Holy Moment?
A kairos moment may be something out of the ordinary, something that makes you pause and wonder what is going on. For instance, years ago I was rushing through the lobby of our church, intent on getting something ready for when the service was over. I had my agenda, and I was single minded in accomplishing it. As I passed through the lobby, I noticed a woman sitting on a bench, crying. I’m sorry to say that I missed that holy moment because I felt my agenda was too important to interrupt. I’ve regretted that moment ever since.
Fast forward to years later, I was at a marriage event in another church and rushed toward the women’s room during a break. (I’m seeing a pattern here!) But there was a woman sitting just outside the restroom door on a bench, crying. This time I stopped, sat down with her and asked her if I could help. She shared her struggles about her marriage and I prayed for her. A holy moment. And I’m so glad I paid attention that time!
A Holy Moment is a single moment in which you open yourself to God. You make yourself available to him. You set aside personal preference and self-interest, and for one moment you do what you prayerfully believe God is calling you to do.
Holy Moments: A Handbook for the Rest of your Life by Matthew Kelly
A kairos or holy moment may be just a (so called) chance occurrence, a little thing like a woman crying on a bench. Or it may be a big, life changing event. For instance, when we received the shocking news that my father had taken his life. In either case, God is looking for people who will be in tune with the Holy Spirit and pay attention when we feel a nudge. That’s when we pause and ask God those two questions.
Some of our Kairos Moments
In March of 2020 we went through a shocking and desperate season. Just as the state shut down due to the outbreak of Covid, my husband Bruce was hospitalized for 30 days, although not because of Covid! After months of trying to diagnose his increasing headaches, they found he had a massive bleed between his brain and skull, called a chronic subdural hematoma. Through that time, Bruce underwent two brain surgeries, uncontrollable seizures, time on a ventilator, loss of the ability to speak, write his name, and move his right side. And I was stuck at home during the shut down, unable to see him except for one day out of the thirty.
We experienced many kairos moments during that time. Sometimes, for me, they occurred as I found myself in a fetal position crying in fear about the latest setback. God wanted me to know I was not alone, the Holy Spirit was right there with me. God wanted me to get up and pray. And I did, often out loud, marching around the house to give our enemy notice that I wasn’t going to be sidelined in this battle. Each time I did this my fear blew away like a puff of smoke.
One of Bruce’s Kairos Moments
I can’t imagine how I would have responded if it were me in the hospital with a brain bleed! But instead of wallowing in self-pity, my amazing husband began noticing the impact Covid was having on the hospital employees. When he talked to the nurses, technicians, and others, he started hearing about their fear and the burden they felt should they bring the virus home with them. Bruce felt this was a kairos moment. What did God want him to know? He believed God wanted him to know his situation wasn’t just about him. It was also about these good people who could be risking their lives to help people like him. Bruce recognized their need for prayer.
What did God want Bruce to do? He began to ask everyone how he could be praying for them. The stories he heard and the genuine appreciation was overwhelming. When we talked on the phone, Bruce would tell me the prayer requests, and we would both pray for the hospital personnel. It gave us both comfort and a sense of purpose in an unbelievable situation.
Our Big Kairos Moment
Once Bruce was healed and back home, we went on a getaway to process everything. The experiences we each had were very different and we wanted to share our stories with each other. For a large part of the time, Bruce wasn’t neurologically well enough for us to have good conversations. I had journaled, and had four notebooks full. (I write when I’m stressed!)
Bruce read through my journals and was shocked at all that had happened. Some of it he still doesn’t remember. I asked him to write his impressions, his stories, as well as he could recall. Once we had finished going through everything, we felt God nudge us. This was a kairos moment.
What did God want us to know? God loves a good story, and this story had his fingerprints all over it. There were many miracles and evidences of God at work. We felt that God wanted us to know we should tell this story somehow.
And what did God want us to do? We began to brainstorm how to best tell the story, and we did some research and contacted a literary agent I knew. Before long we came to the conclusion that God wanted us to fictionalize the story and write a novel to illustrate that no matter what, there is hope. Love on Life Support was conceived on that weekend getaway.
Love on Life Support is now a year old, and we recently learned that we are one of three finalists in Christian Indie Book Awards, in the General Fiction category! Stay tuned for late April when the final awards will be announced.
What’s your Real-Life Marriage Story?
We all have a story, and when we are following Christ, the story is not over until the story is good. There’s always time to add a new chapter and finish your story well.
Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. Christ himself wrote it – not with ink, but with God’s living spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives.
2 Corinthians 3:2-3 MSG
Your real-life story doesn’t require you to be an author, but we all have a story. All of us have the capability to openly live out our life story, sharing it appropriately with other people to give them comfort and hope and equip them for life.
What’s Next?
Holy Moments is a wonderful resource for anyone wanting to understand kairos or holy moments. The author, Matthew Kelly, has a very generous offer on his website for six free copies of the book to anyone who requests them. He fully intends to give away this amazingly simple handbook for the rest of your life. Highly recommend!
We are introducing a new weekly meditation called Momentum Monday that follows each monthly blog post. Each month, you’ll dive deeper into the theme of the blog post, toning your spiritual core. Anticipate building a stronger core for stability, balance, purpose and momentum in your Christian life. To receive the weekly Momentum Monday emails, sign up here.
Next month we will begin a four month journey into the traditional marriage vows, and why they are critical for your marriage and your spiritual life. Stop by in March when our topic will be “For Better, for Worse.”
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