Are you searching for hope this Christmas? Hopelessness can be isolating, especially during the holidays. For those who have lost a loved one, received a dire health diagnosis, or are wondering if their relationship is on it’s last legs, it’s jarring to think of being all jolly. We just celebrated the first Sunday of Advent, and we’re surrounded by holiday lights, Christmas songs, and seemingly happy-happy people. What do you do if you just can’t?
Give Yourself Space to Grieve your Loss of Hope
I give you permission to stay home and change things up this Christmas season if you just can’t celebrate as usual. It’s ok to cut back on decorating, cookie making, and gift giving. Everyone grieves differently, so allow yourself to find the way that works for you. Others will try to include you because they love you and don’t want to see you suffer alone. So give them grace, gently explain what’s going on, and consider just making an appearance rather than staying for the whole event.
Be Honest about how Bad your Situation is
I remember how hopeless our first Christmas felt after my dad took his life in 1995. Nothing felt the same. Just the thought of celebrating seemed insulting. In our novel, Love on Life Support, our protagonist Amy experiences hopelessness as well.
Amy ended the call with shaking hands, then dropped her cell phone in her lap. She felt adrift, cut off from Chris, her husband and anchor. Panic crushed her as she envisioned the worst. Her imagination took over, filling her mind with tragic scenarios. She wailed, feeling helpless and hopeless.
Love On Life Support
We live in a broken world. Death, disease, hardships and broken relationships will be part of our experience. The Bible doesn’t sugar coat this, but is honest with us about the consequences of sin. Nevertheless, there is hope!
The message of Jesus is, “Things really are this bad, and we can’t heal or save ourselves. Things really are this dark – nevertheless, there is hope.
Timothy Keller
We might be tempted to put on a happy face, and pretend everything is fine. But that will only cause the pain to worsen and grow. Be honest with yourself and with others about what is really going on. For instance, we were recently at a funeral for a woman who suffered for a long time with cancer. Her husband was often asked, “How are you doing?” He responded the same way each time. “I’m lousy.” We thanked him for being transparent. Of course, anyone would be lousy at their spouse’s funeral!
In your sadness, it will help to find the next best thing you can do. Take a walk, listen to uplifting music, journal, or talk to someone who is a good listener. Finding compassionate community can be so helpful. Find someone safe that you can share with and be heard. Ask your pastor if he knows of someone he could recommend; a mentor or a spiritual counselor. If you don’t go to church, do you know someone in your neighborhood or extended family who does? Reach out to them.
How do you navigate hopelessness with a spouse? Here are two short videos to help.
- Why do I have to go through what I’m going through; why me?
- How do we keep our marriage strong while experiencing grief?
Be Honest about how Good God is
There are so many examples in the Bible about people who felt hopeless but chose to trust God anyway. In my situation of losing my dad to suicide, I knew there was no way I could redeem this situation, and that my only hope was in Jesus Christ. As a brand-new believer, that’s where I focused, and that’s where he met me. Literally on the floor every morning, tears dropping onto my Bible, pleas for peace in my heart. Those early morning dates with Jesus in the secret place of my soul was where my faith began to blossom. I’ve never regretted a single moment I spent in communion with the Almighty.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 NIV
Jesus offers us real peace, peace that makes no earthly sense at all. After my dad’s passing, I was able to find a place of peace each morning by spending time reading the Bible, listening to God, and praying. Because we are finite beings, each day we need rest and nourishment. So, the next day I would have to start all over again. He was always there for me, offering this peace. But I had to reach out and take it. He never forces us to come to him. He invites, he beckons, he offers with outstretched arms. And when we come in honesty and brokenness to him, he never turns us away.
Even in Darkness (affiliate link) is a devotional journal that I recommend. It is appropriate for grief of many types, including
- Struggling with depression after loss
- Suffering with personal illness
- Grieving the illness of a loved one
- Recovering from divorce, relationship issues or abandonment
- Living with anxiety
- Fighting an emotional war within
- Looking for spiritual guidance
I pray you find real peace this Christmas season, even if your circumstances are dire. To help you spend time with Jesus, download our free gift to you, The Recipe for Well-Being.
Christmas blessings, friend!