Do you have hope for your marriage? This is the first week of advent, when we focus on hope in Christ. But today I want to turn that around a little bit. The success of your marriage is closely related to the quality and object of hope for your marriage.
What is Hope?
Hope is defined as “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.” The Bible defines hope in a similar way.
For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
Romans 8: 24-25 NASB1995
Hoping is looking forward to something we don’t see yet. When I mentor women, they are often in rough spots in their marriages. They hope for things to be better. You may be there yourself.
I ask them what they are hoping in. If their hope is in their spouse to make everything better, or to meet their every need, or to change and become the man of their dreams, I gently direct their thoughts to a more sure hope, the hope of Christ.
Jesus knew all about broken relationships and wounded people. He met quite a few on earth. He knows that trouble will find us sooner or later. But he made us a promise we can hang onto during the tough times. It’s a sure, unshakable hope.
In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33b NASB1995
Hope for your Marriage can Withhold Life
No husband can meet all his wife’s needs. Don’t expect him to do God’s job!
Sheila Gregoire
If hope for your marriage is based on what your spouse can do for you, the vital life you both need will be missing. Your spouse is not capable of meeting all your needs, being your Savior, or changing to be your perfect image of a spouse.
When we put such hopes in a mere mortal, it will be crushing to them. We will always wind up disappointed. Marriages like this may last, but they will be empty of abundant life.
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
John 10:10b NASB1995
Hope for your Marriage can Give Life
If hope for your marriage is based on Christ’s promises, you have the power to bring life into your marriage, no matter how broken it may be. If you can let go of hoping in your spouse and instead hope in Christ, you will receive abundant life and can share that life with your spouse.
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.
Amy Grant
One of the most famous passages of the Bible on the subject of Love is 1 Corinthians 13. It lists the attributes of godly love. If you follow Jesus, your goal as a spouse is to live according to these attributes. It’s a lofty picture, and I’m not nearly there. But I hope I continue to progress to love my husband Bruce in this way. When a spouse loves like this, it brings abundant life into a marriage.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NASB1995
You might ask, why should I be the one to go first? After all, he started it. Since you are the one reading this blog, why not let it be you? When you make a decision to follow Jesus and live the way the Bible instructs us, you will receive abundant life.
Isn’t that a good reason to go first?
How to Change the Object of your Hope
If you have been placing your hope in your spouse, here are some practical ways you can change the object of your hope.
- Get to know Jesus by reading about Him in the Bible. The book of John is a good place to start. Find a translation you can understand. Read a little bit each day so you can absorb it. Journal about what you are learning about who Jesus is.
- Worship Jesus. Find a good church where the worship is stirring and go. When the music begins, imagine you are singing to Him.
- Get into a community of believers. Your church may have small groups or mentors to help you get connected. God created us for community, that’s where much of our growth happens.
- Forgive your spouse for not being who you imagined. We are all humans, and none of us is perfect. Allow your spouse to find their way to abundant life as you find your way. Give up your need to control them.
- Download my Marriage Prayers resource. Begin to pray for you and your spouse daily.