Have you ever been thrust into the position of health care advocate for your spouse? I have, a number of times. But this time was different. We were in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I couldn’t be there physically. That’s when I needed a helper; the sure, unshakable help of “The” Health Care Advocate. Here are the three steps I took to appropriate His help.
The Back Story
Friday, March 20, 2020 started out like any other day. My husband Bruce had an appointment for an MRI in his quest to figure out the cause of frequent headaches. I thought the brain MRI might be overkill since they had found pinched nerves in his neck and he was due to start physical therapy Monday.
Bruce headed off for his MRI while I made dinner. I wasn’t at all concerned. Less than an hour later my phone rang. Bruce’s shaky voice let me know they found bleeding in his brain, that he was to proceed immediately to the ER, and he needed me to pick him up since he couldn’t drive.
I’ve had shocking phone calls out of the blue before, but I had no idea how this call was going to usher in a time when I would feel so out of control. I also had no conception of the wonderful miracles I was about to witness.
This post isn’t about my husband’s health problems, so I won’t go into great details except to say that because of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was refused entry into the ER. I was not even allowed to open my car door to help him out, but was ordered to stay put as the medical personnel disappeared with my husband into the cavernous building. They said to wait in the parking lot.
Days later, Bruce underwent a craniotomy to remove a very large subdural hematoma. He is back home today, one week post surgery and doing well.
Step 1: Wake Up
I returned home late Friday night in shock. Bruce was settled into the ICU and brain surgery was the plan. He was inside and I was outside. The next 24 hours were the hardest for me. I was stuck in disbelief, shock, and worry. I operated on auto-pilot, madly sending out prayer requests to a growing number of friends and family who were just as shocked as I was.
At 3am the first morning I was wide awake. As I sat up in bed praying, God reminded me of when He had anointed me with peace in past difficulties. I knew immediately where I needed to go: Psalm 145.
The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down… The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call upon him, to all who call upon him in truth…My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.
Psalm 145:13-14, 17-18, 21
When you Wake Up at 3am…
This passage was so transforming for me. The first time I read it I was flying home 25 years ago after my dad’s suicide. I thought back to the moment I read these words and felt God’s presence as if I were wrapped up in His warm embrace. He gently urged me to do some things that didn’t feel natural at the time: praise God, trust God, believe God, thank God.
I spent an hour in the middle of that night doing just that. It doesn’t feel natural to praise and thank God in my circumstances and it may not feel natural to do so in yours. But I knew how this worked in my life in the past and I was willing to take a chance and trust Him again.
I guess it comes down to asking myself – what do I have to lose? Worry, anxiety, fear, and insomnia were the only things I could think of. I had everything to gain in trusting God and I knew from past experience when I trusted what God said and willingly followed His words, it made all the difference in the world.
Those precious hours in the middle of the night were my wake up call. I fell asleep peacefully until morning.
Step 2: Listen to my Health Care Advocate
The next morning I awoke ready to roll! I think I need a wake up call every once in a while, don’t you? I can get caught up in fear and panic and forget the wonderful ways God has shown up for me in the past. Maybe you don’t have a past experience when God was faithful to you. Maybe this post will help you to know what to do anyway. It gives me joy to be able to share this with you.
The first thing I did was place a call in to my Health Care Advocate, the Holy Spirit. Jesus told His disciples He would send this wonderful advocate to them after Jesus died on the cross.
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever – the Spirit of truth.
John 14:16-17a
The things I wanted to ask Him included how does He want me to know about what is happening? And what does He want me to do?
What He had to Say…
I spent time in prayer and listening to God, seeking spiritual health in this situation. He led me to another favorite passage of Scripture.
Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let joy overflow, for you are united with the Anointed One! Let gentleness be seen in every relationship, for our Lord is ever near.
Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout the day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.
So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always. Follow the example of all that we have imparted to you and the God of peace will be with you in all things.
Philippians 4:4-9 TPT
My Health Care Advocate, Jesus, is so gentle and encouraging! He always has positive suggestions that will help us to cope with whatever life brings. He never scolds us if we wallow for a while. He is ready at any time to welcome us with open arms and whisper life-giving advice.
He instructed me through these words to think like He thinks, to have His mindset as I tackled the challenges ahead of me.
- Be cheerful
- Be gentle
- Don’t worry
- Be in prayer
- Keep thoughts focused in the right direction
- Follow this example
Step 3: Be his health care advocate
You might have had shocking medical news about your spouse or maybe you haven’t (yet). When our spouses are ill, it’s our responsibility to be their health care advocate, to stand in the gap for them, communicate with the medical personnel, and ask the right questions so we can provide the best care for them.
Besides being their physical health care advocate, we are also called to be their spiritual health care advocate. How can we stand in gap for them in situations where they might not be able to pray for themselves? How can we point them to the overarching Sovereign purpose in this matter? How can we inspire hope in them?
As I finished in prayer, I got a pad of paper out. A list was started, one of many!
The Steps I took…
I called Bruce and read the passage from Philippians to him. I reminded him just like the Holy Spirit had reminded me – who am I, how should I be thinking, and what should I be doing? We prayed together in tears because this was hard, but we knew that God was greater than this. I also told Bruce that these ancient words from God were even more TRUE than what our limited minds could comprehend about his medical condition.
Bruce was in great pain that day, and I knew there wasn’t a lot he could do. He was encouraged to be reminded of who we are and how we operate. I reminded him of past times he had been hospitalized and how we saw God at work. This time would be no different. One thing he could do was ask the medical personnel who entered his room how he could pray for them. I would take care of the rest.
That call changed a lot for both of us. We were on mission again, and felt energized and purposeful.
We have a long list of nurses and doctors who were blessed by Bruce’s request for prayer. They are all worried about their family’s health, not their own. Bruce’s attitude surprised everyone, and many people commented on our posts to social media. But we can’t take the credit for any of that.
All we did was chose to believe God and take Him at His word. He does all the rest. And that is enough for us!
What’s Next?
We are currently working to get Bruce back to his normal stamina and pick up our work as marriage mentors. There is a lot of work ahead of us, lots to learn about mentoring using video conferencing.
This weekend we created a video to celebrate all God has done in our lives at this point, and all He is going to do.
We also pray daily for the dedicated medical personnel who so touched our lives. We hope you will do that as well, and practice social distancing and sheltering in place to reduce the chances of accidents that would tax the already bursting hospital scene.
…because U count, deb
Pingback: Marriage Monday: Staying on Course with our Marriage Mission Statement