“He makes me so mad!” It slips out so easily. Everyone says it. We don’t want to own it when we have a hissy fit, we want to blame it on someone else. And that someone is usually very close to us.
He Makes Me so Mad!
Have you ever thought about that statement? “He makes me so mad!” What does it really mean?
- “He makes me…” could mean I have no control over my bad behavior.
- “He makes me…” could mean I am not responsible for my bad behavior.
- “He makes me…” could mean my behavior is bad, but it’s justified because his behavior is so much worse.
If you use this phrase, you’re in good company. I’ve said it plenty of times in the past, and I still slip into blaming others for my failures sometimes. If you say this a lot, you are totally normal!
It’s a pretty common tactic, you could say it’s universal.
The First Blame Game
Long, long ago this tactic of blaming our spouse for something we did wrong all began. It was woven into a famous
But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
Genesis 3:9-11
God told Adam not to eat from the Tree of the Knowlege of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden, it was God’s only rule. A simple rule. But when Adam appeared embarrassed because he was naked, God knew Adam had disobeyed Him.
It was like God caught Adam with the cookie jar broken and crumbs all over his face. So after posing this question, what does Adam do? Does he own his bad behavior?
The man said, “The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Genesis 3:12
Nope! Not only does Adam blame Eve for giving him the fruit
My Response is My Responsibility
This poisonous blame game originates in our selfish hearts. We are always comparing and justifying so we come out on top. We’re so good at it we even fool ourselves into thinking someone else could be responsible for my bad behavior.
That was true for me. I would get angry if my husband didn’t live up to my expectations. I would go stomping and slamming things, yelling at the kids. I was an angry person but I never stopped to think about what I was teaching my kids. I felt justified in my anger, and would have said: “he makes me so mad!”
Once when my son was very small, I was furious about something. I had the refrigerator door open, and slammed it shut with a loud, “damn!” My little cherub perked up his ears at that new word! After that, whenever I opened the fridge, I would hear the patter of tiny feet as Jason would race to slam the door with a high-voiced, “damn!” He thought that was hilarious!
Back then I had never owned the truth that my response is my responsibility. I had never examined my heart.
Owning it Breaks Down the Wall Between Us and God
We only see the outside of people but God sees the inside. He sees all the bad attitudes and
It’s like when your young child has cookie crumbs all over her face – you know, you see. You still love her, but you know she did something wrong.
If she lies and blames it builds a wall between you. If she honestly confesses the wall crumbles. God just wants us to honestly tell Him the truth about the cookie crumbs. He already sees them.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.
1 John 1:8-10
Just Own it!
Is it time to own your stuff? Once I confessed and took ownership of my own failures, my anger started to subside. I was free of the debilitating effects of repressed anger and stress. I would never want to go back there again!
My husband and I grew closer as we became more honest with God about our failures. God has our best interest at heart, and knows that coming clean is the best way to clear away the wall of separation between us and Him.
If you want to know more about this relationship with God, you can download my free resource, No Greater Love.
…because U count, deb