Marriage Monday
When I get a call from a woman who’s looking for help with her marriage, I ask lots of questions so I can get an idea of how we can best help. One of the questions I usually ask is, “How has this struggle impacted your faith?” Many of the women admit that their faith has flailed in their struggling marriage. Is this you? Maybe this Marriage Monday discussion iwill help. Allow me to share how much God longs to wrap His arms around you in a big bear hug and shower you with blessings, restoring your flailing faith even in a struggling marriage.
Always Let your Conscience be your Guide
God created us with a conscience, it’s just one of the wavelengths through which we can hear His voice. Every person has a conscience, whether they have a relationship with God or not.
You have probably heard your conscience speak to you, at least once in a while! When Aunt Betty’s voice mail keeps coming back to your mind with the thought, “I need to call her back!” that’s your conscience. If you’re old like me, you might remember the old cartoon of Pinnochio who had a small cricket on his shoulder, Jiminy Cricket. Listen to his memorable song with the advice to always let your conscience be your guide.
Think of a small child with his hand in the cookie jar. He knows he is guilty, and when you try to talk to him about it, he refuses to look you in the eye. Who teaches kids how to do this? I’m sure I didn’t teach my kids to look away when they had a guilty conscience, but somehow they responded that way. I used to take my kids chins in my hands and turn their heads toward me so I could see their eyes. They were so reluctant to look at me!
The reason kids do this so young is that they, like us, are natural born selfish sinners. When we have a guilty conscience, we don’t want to admit we’ve failed. It makes us feel exposed when we’re caught red-handed in the cookie jar. And so instead of setting things right with God, we turn our eyes away from Him.
Flailing Faith
So what does all this have to do with a struggling marriage? Maybe you believe you’ve done everything possible to reconcile with your husband, and maybe you can point to his failures as the start of all the problems. That can definitely be the case! Maybe your actions are minor compared to the level of failure on his part. But let me share a truth with you: your response is your responsibility. No matter who started it, God is asking us to respond as a child of God is expected to respond – with love, honor, and respect. That’s how God treats us, and He asks nothing less of us with other people.
When we know in our heart of hearts that we haven’t been loving, honorable, or respectful to our husbands, our conscience is going to kick in. We feel that bad feeling, and then we have a decision to make. We could turn away from God and compound our feelings of loneliness, chaos, and conflict. Or we could turn toward God and be welcomed with open arms full of blessing in our struggle.
Turning Away From God
The choice to turn away from God in our struggle is the choice many women I speak to have made. They will admit that in the past they prayed regularly, had a close relationship with Jesus, attended church with their family. But somehow they have fallen away from that lifestyle. Perhaps their conscience wasn’t their guide?
Regardless of the reason, turning away from God at the moment when we most need Him is not the best choice. When our hearts are broken, we need the Healer to put us back together. Because of our guilty conscience, we may believe the lie that God will reject us. That is never the case! There isn’t one example in Scripture of a repentant, humble person being rejected by God.
Turning away from God only compounds the isolation we feel in a broken marriage. It becomes more and more difficult to make wise decisions without the Wonderful Counselor, at a time when we are making life-changing decisions for ourselves and our children. We need the Prince of Peace when our lives are chaos. We miss the closeness of our Everlasting Father who loves us no matter what. And we are left doing everything on our own without the strength of our Mighty God.
Turning Toward God
Instead of turning away from God, when we choose to turn toward Him, the rewards are innumerable. Our thoughts, words, and actions are already known to Him. He only asks us to raise our head and look Him in the eye. God promises He will never turn anyone away that comes to Him: “whoever comes to me I will never drive away” (John 6:37 NIV).
Are you feeling lonely, broken-hearted, and unsure of your next step in a struggling marriage? Do you feel a tug on your heart to turn toward God? There are no magic words to use, you can just talk to God and express what’s on your heart. Honestly share your own failures in your marriage, remembering that your response is your responsibility. Go ahead and do that and I promise you will not be turned away.
Once you turn toward God with a repentant heart, he will begin showing up in your life with blessings. Keep seeking Him through prayer, Bible reading, a small group or in a mentoring relationship with a woman who knows God well.
Ask Him specifically for what you need – protection, safety, favor, wisdom, love and grace, approval, and of course, peace. Each day you will need to be filled up by Jesus, so keep coming for more in this new relationship.
“The LORD bless you, and keep you [protect you, sustain you, and guard you]; The LORD make His face shine upon you [with favor], And be gracious to you [surrounding you with lovingkindness]; The LORD lift up His countenance (face) upon you [with divine approval], And give you peace [a tranquil heart and life].’”
NUMBERS 6:24-26 AMP
Resources
My books, Making Peace with Prickly People and Mindful, can guide you in this journey to healing your marriage and finding peace in all your relationships – with God, with yourself, and with your spouse. You can find more about them at PricklyPeople.
…because U count, deb