Agitated. Berserk. Bothered. Crazed. Distraught. Hysterical. Out of my mind. Raving. Unhinged. Upset. Worked-up. Been there, done that. I’m an expert at being mad. This emotion can end up robbing me of sleep, peace, and health. I’m mad at you! How can I stop being mad?
Anger Smoothies
The four stages of anger can be illustrated with a recipe I found on the internet for Anger Smoothies. Each ingredient reflects what happens inside us when we carry a grudge.
Sour Milk
The first ingredient is sour milk. Most smoothies contain some milk, and milk is good for you. But like anything that’s good, if it sits around long enough, it can turn sour. Anger is not a bad emotion. God designed us to feel anger, fueled by the hormones our bodies produce. But our anger feelings are meant to be short-term. The hormones of adrenaline and cortisol will equip us to take care of a problem, to rescue a baby from a burning building, to solve a conflict. But if the hormones are produced over and over again, they can become very harmful to our health. In a sense, they become sour.
I might think nothing bothers me, but eventually my attitude turns sour. Don’t drink this smoothie!
Mustard
The second ingredient is mustard. Mustard has a distinct color, it stains horribly. When we see a mustard-colored sauce we know immediately what the flavor will be. Mustard colors things. The same thing happens with anger that is held inside. It colors us. Everyone can see we’re angry. It’s in our face. It’s in our tone of voice, and maybe our body language.
I might think I’m hiding my feelings, but everyone else sees them. Don’t drink this smoothie!
Corn Syrup
The third ingredient is clear corn syrup. This doesn’t change the appearance of the smoothie, but it sure changes the flavor! When I was little it seemed we were always out of maple syrup. So Mom would give us Caro Syrup on our pancakes and tell us it tastes just like maple syrup. We weren’t fooled. That stuff tastes awful! This stage of our anger is when we are able to stuff our feelings down deep. We no longer look angry, or sound angry. But deep down inside, that anger tastes horrible.
I might think I’ve gotten over it, but it’s still leaving a bitter taste. Don’t drink this smoothie!
Sardines
The fourth ingredient is sardines. I know, this smoothie is disgusting! Sardines are just plain stinky. I’ve never had a fresh sardine, maybe they are tasty. But canned sardines – the smell alone can gag you. This stage of anger occurs over time, when the anger sits and sours inside us long enough. It finally becomes fully developed, stinking, rotten contempt. Contempt is defined as the utmost pride and arrogance. Gradually my anger poisons me into thinking I’m better than someone else. My anger has fully ripened.
I might think I’m better than that person, but God thinks differently. Don’t drink this smoothie!
I’m Mad at You!
Google forgiveness and you can spend the rest of the day searching through 65 million entries. Forgiveness is a huge topic. Relationship issues are a universal constant. Put any two people together and eventually there will be conflict. Why are relationship problems so hard to solve?
The key lies in contempt. If my anger at someone ripens into contempt, I not only have a problem with a person. Now I have a problem with God.
Contempt is disrespect, hatred, malice, and scorn for another person. But God is clear that we are all on a level playing field.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
“All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6a).
If my anger has ripened into contempt, now I have a problem with God. My scorn for someone else is proof of my God problem.
Healing my anger
God gives us the simple recipe for making peace in our relationships with the two greatest commandments:
- Love God
- Love others as myself
The reason relationship problems are so difficult to solve is because we skip the first step. Even if someone else started it and we didn’t deserve the wrong, we still have to go to God first.
Our response is our responsibility. If contempt has ripened in me, I have to go to God with that horrible cocktail and ask for forgiveness for me. This has to come first if I’m going to be able to forgive the other person.
We love because He first loved us. We can forgive when He first forgives us. God shows us the way by illustrating it Himself. He is the best leader the world has ever known. He would never ask us to do anything He wouldn’t do Himself. So He allows us to experience forgiveness and then asks us to grant it to someone else.
How to Forgive
Thomas Edison, who perfected the lightbulb, tirelessly tested over 6,000 filaments before he found the perfect one. Each lightbulb he tested took 24 hours to make. Edison had a team of men who worked around the clock making bulbs with different filaments for testing.
The story goes that Edison had a young apprentice in the shop. One day he handed the apprentice a newly finished lightbulb and asked him to carry it upstairs to the testing lab. The boy carefully carried the bulb up the stairs, one by one. At the very top of the staircase, the boy tripped, fell, and shattered the lightbulb into a million pieces.
Back to the drawing board. Can you imagine the grumbles of the team as they went back to work on another bulb? Twenty-four hours later, another test bulb was produced. Edison took the bulb and handed it back to the boy.
That’s a perfect illustration of how God treats us. He knows we are going to fail, over and over again. But God looks at our potential more than our past. He knows forgiveness is the key to releasing the potential in us.
[Tweet “God’s forgiveness unlocks the potential in us.”]
God also knows our forgiveness is the key to releasing the potential in our antagonists.
When we forgive we make 3 promises. These promises will help us remember our decision, and will hold us accountable to commit to the decision to forgive.
- I promise not to bring the subject up with other people.
- I promise not to bring the subject up with the person.
- I promise not to bring the subject up with myself.
Just like the boy apprentice, God knows we will fail to keep these promises. But once we’ve made a decision to forgive, breaking one of these promises doesn’t mean we quit and give up. A failure in one of these promises is a yellow flag, alerting us we need to stop and change direction.
Forgiveness is a one-time decision and an ongoing process.
Are you mad at someone? At what stage is your anger? Will you go to God today for His forgiveness?
Just don’t drink the smoothie!
…because U count, deb
This is the core of our relationship with Jesus! Forgive as we are forgiven. Thanks for writing this as I need to be reminded over and over again!! I know it but unforgiveness can sneak in.
I need reminding too! All. The. Time.