How to Adjust to the New Normal

A terrifying discovery, 911, an ambulance ride – and here we are in the new normal. The “New Normal” is a term in business that came about after the 2008-2012 global recession. “The business landscape has changed fundamentally; tomorrow’s environment will be different, but no less rich in possibilities for those who are prepared.”

My landscape has changed fundamentally. Tomorrow’s environment in my life will be different. But I still believe my life will be rich in possibilities because I am prepared. I’d like to share three steps that have prepared me, I hope they will encourage you.

Step 1: Leave the Old Normal Behind

Just before Christmas I discovered my Mom on the floor of her bedroom unable to get up. She had a pretty devastating stroke. For the first two weeks we weren’t sure she would be with us come New Years. But she rallied a bit and is still hanging in there. She is in hospice care and her world has been greatly diminished. My new normal includes taking care of her bills, selling her condo, visiting her, making decisions for her when she is unable to do so. My new normal includes the question in my mind every morning as I wake up – will this be Mom’s last day?

All of us wish this stroke hadn’t happened. We’d love to go back in time and make things happen differently if we could. But we can’t. None of us can determine the length of our days. We can influence our health to some degree, but we will all age and pass away.

We all remember what it was like before. Before the stroke. Before Mom developed dementia. Before the aging process interfered with her life. We have good memories of the past, and it’s comforting to think about them. But dwelling too much on the past can be a negative thing.

Living in the past will keep us stuck there. Here are some symptoms of living in the past.

1. You feel you will never be as happy, satisfied, peaceful, etc.
2. You feel frustrated and unhappy about your current status.
3. You are fearful about the future, and have no plan for how to move ahead.
4. You feel sad when you think about the past.

One reason we get stuck in the past is because it takes a lot less energy to dwell on yesterday’s happiness then deal with the challenges of today. We tend to forget the past had its share of problems too. Another reason we get stuck in the past is because we are fearful of the future.

In the Bible, there is a story about looking back and getting stuck. It’s in Genesis 19. The story goes that God was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. He brought Lot and his family out of the city and told them to flee for the mountains and not to look back. They hightailed it out of town, but Lot’s wife didn’t listen. Maybe she thought moving to the mountains was going to be a drag. Maybe she wanted to stay in the city where there were grocery stores and malls nearby. Anyway, she looked back. And she turned into a pillar of salt.

A pillar of salt can’t move or live or speak. Lot’s wife got stuck because she looked back. Living in the past can do that to us. We can get stuck, and be incapable of growing, leading, and influencing others.

Think about the good memories of yesterday. But don’t live there. Leave the old normal behind.

Step 2: Get Planted in the New Normal

My new normal doesn’t just include bad news. There have been countless blessings for our family in Mom’s stroke.

• Outstanding nurses and caring medical staff.
• Hospice workers who include spiritual care and a young woman with the voice of an angel who comes to sing to Mom.
• A beautiful prayer blanket knitted by a nearby church and presented to Mom in the hospital.
• Support of so many family members who dropped everything and rallied to help and comfort.
• Unexpected and excellent help in finding a facility for Mom from Parents Changing Spaces.
• A beautiful home for Mom filled with loving people that provide the best care.

In addition to these blessings, Mom’s personality has changed. She no longer expresses frustration with her life. She receives love from everyone freely. She has a new best friend at her home who holds her hand as they look lovingly at each other. Her crooked smile is warm and her eyes speak love to us.

[Tweet “My #NewNormal is rich in possibilities.”]

My new normal does have challenges. There is still uncertainty about what tomorrow will bring. Mom is deteriorating slowly and that’s hard to watch. My schedule has been filled with unexpected activities that has put my book project on hold. But I prefer to cultivate thankfulness for all God has allowed even in these difficult circumstances. I’ve had two months with Mom that did not include any conflict, only loving tenderness. And I anticipate my book will be richer for this experience. Perhaps God wasn’t done with my story yet.

If you find yourself in a new normal I encourage you to take stock of what you have rather than what you don’t have. Admit there are things in your life you just can’t control. None of us gets to pick exactly what life will bring to us. Focusing on the positives will enable you to think clearly, to sleep well, and to grow spiritually.

Step 3: Anticipate the Next New Normal

Just when you get used to the new normal, you may find yourself in the next new normal. One thing we can bank on is that life is full of changes. Yesterday we discovered Mom is showing signs of further deterioration in her health. Someday soon I will have to leave this new normal behind and climb to the next level.

I can prepare for that by spending some time thinking ahead. If we have a plan in place, the future will be a lot less scary. We have time now to plan for funeral arrangements and financial resources for expenses. We can think through the process and make some decisions ahead of time that will help us when that turn in the road comes.

I also have to acknowledge there are many things in life I can’t control. But I firmly believe God is in control. And I accept His promise that He works all things for good. Sometimes we think there is no good in our new normal because we only see with our temporary, human eyes.

God’s goals are eternal in nature. Everyone will pass out of this life, but then the ultimate good will come for those who love Jesus. God’s best for us always includes death, even though that sounds harsh. Death is the only way I will get to see heaven someday.

Life is hard, Jesus said so. “In this world you will have trouble.” He knows all about the struggles of life. He knew hardship, death, and loss. But He concludes, “Take heart, for I have overcome the world.”

We aren’t in control of circumstances. But we are in control of how we decide to react to circumstances. And our choices make all the difference in the world.

…because U count, deb