Try this. Google “What is a wife.” You will find sweet entries like this – “Wife. Not just my friend but my love. Not just my love but my heart. Not just my heart but my life. Not just my life, you are my everything.” Then you will find insulting entries like this – “God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round…and laughed and laughed and laughed…” So what is the truth? What is a Biblical wife supposed to be?
The roles of Biblical wives changed forever on the day Eve grabbed the fruit and ate it before consulting Adam. God stated that henceforth all women would struggle for control over their husbands. Eve, therefore, was the world’s first control freak. Ever since then we’ve been working to control what our husbands eat, wear, do, think, and say. It’s as if we believe God needed women to be the hall monitors of the home.
After a careful study of Scripture, I’ve found several things a wife is not. And something a wife is.
A Wife is Not the Mama
If you are like me, maybe you grew up expecting to be a mama to your husband. The Women’s Lib movement and both of our families were inclined to lean in that direction. When my kids were small, I gleefully read every “Berenstain Bear” book to them. I cringe when I think of those stories where Mama Bear is so organized, business-like, sensible, and together. Papa Bear is the buffoon, the one who gets the kids in trouble, the one who sheepishly stands aside as Mama cleans up the messes.
Papa Bear is a bumbling fool.
Male bashing was in, and I was right there with the best of them. Even today when we are becoming aware of how we have dishonored men, it’s still common to hear, “I have two children, well…really three if you count my husband.”
Bruce already had a Mom, he didn’t need another one. Shirley did a great job of raising him. It took me a long time, but gradually I learned to stop thinking it was my job to raise him. Ok, well maybe I still head down that road sometimes…I’m sure Bruce could give you some examples.
A Wife is Not the Holy Spirit
God, it turns out, wasn’t without a plan for personal improvement. One of the tools God provides is the Holy Spirit.
“When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment.” John 16:8)
“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirt, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:26).
When I feel I need to point out my husband’s failures, or remind him constantly I’m really taking over the job of the Holy Spirit. Why do I think God needs my help? I just need to get over myself.
The truth is a wife is not the Holy Spirit but she should listen to the Holy Spirit.
[Tweet “Instead of trying to be the Holy Spirit to my husband, I can let the Holy Spirit do His job…in me!”]
“If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:15-16).
This passage goes on to say the acts of the flesh are obvious. They include hatred, discord, dissensions, and factions, among other things. Instead go for fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
A Wife is Not God’s Word
God didn’t only have one tool for self-improvement. He also has given us His Word, the Bible.
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped in every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
Turns out I’m not responsible for teaching, rebuking, correcting or training my husband. Who knew? That’s the purpose of the Bible, for my husband and for me. Until I am “fully equipped in every good work” I guess I better just focus on myself.
Some of the best self-improvement verses in the Bible for me are in 1 Peter 2.
- Rid yourselves of malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander.
- Don’t stumble by disobeying God’s Word.
- Avoid sinful desires which wage war in my soul.
- Live my life in a way that causes others to glorify God.
- Do good and silence foolish people.
- Show respect to everyone.
- Refrain from retaliation, threats, and self-justification.
Living in this way speaks to others, even our husbands, in a way that no nagging will ever do.
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1-2, emphasis mine).
After all, what could I add to the Word of God?
A Wife is Ezer
Ezer is a Hebrew word, found in Genesis 2:18 “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.””
The word helper is Ezer in Hebrew. The meaning is to correspond to, to be a counterpart to, equal to, surrounding, defending, or strengthening.
The word suitable means something complements something else, as in “motherhood really suits her.” Being suitable brings out the best in us. That’s what God intends for us in marriage. We should bring out the best in each other.
So we’re created in marriage to be a ‘suitable helper’ or in the older versions of the Bible, a ‘help meet’. Dr. Debbie Cherry, author of The Strong-Willed Wife: Using Your Personality to Honor God And Your Husband
“It is a construction term. A column of a building can be made stronger by adding additional material around the original column. The new material placed around the column strengthens the column so it can support extra weight or stress, and is called a “help meet.” In this usage, help meet means to “surround” and “to support by surrounding.” The help meet actually gives additional strength to the original structure.“
What challenges have you had in your marriage? Does the ‘help meet’ illustration change your vision of your marriage? If you would like more information on this subject, register for my newsletter below. One of the free ebooks you will receive is on the topic of marriage: How to be Happily Married, Naked Hangers and All.
…because U count, deb