Healing conflict in marriage is a matter of HOW you ask the question.
“Why am I HERE?”
When I ask this question emphasizing the situation, the conflict & problems, my attitude is “I don’t deserve this!” I may wonder how I ever got here, and what I could possibly have done to deserve this conflict in my marriage. This mindset removes any responsibility on my part for my response to my spouse. It’s a “me versus you” attitude. One has to win and one has to lose. And you better believe I’m the one who wins!
This mindset causes us to walk out on Jesus and marriage.
“Why am I here?”
If I am willing to ask God the question a little differently, emphasizing my role, my purpose, and perseverance, it changes everything. This doesn’t mean my spouse is innocent, or that I caused the conflict. It’s just acknowledging that my response is my responsibility. My attitude becomes “What can I do to strengthen my marriage?” or “How can I grow spiritually in this conflict?”
This mindset causes us to reach out to Jesus and our marriage.
“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”
Philippians 3:12-14 MSG