9 Be-Attitudes for Coping with Prickly People

I asked a friend of mine why she needed to read my book, Making Peace with Prickly People: Transforming Relationships by Loving God, Self, and Others, and she said, “I need to read this book because I tend to attract 2 kinds of people, first the ones who suck the life out of you and the second who push you to the point of being crazy.” Do you ever feel that way? I know I do! So here’s some help from God’s word, 9 Be-attitudes for coping with prickly people.

These “attitudes” come from Matthew chapter 5. This is found in the Sermon on the Mount, a famous passage where Jesus preached in a practical way how to live a Kingdom life in Christ. The beginning section, Matthew 5:1-12, lists 9 different attitudes we should have, and interestingly enough, these are called the Beatitudes (or Be-Attitudes).

Be Small

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). Poor in spirit is a kind of spiritual poverty, a humility that mimics the humility of Christ. Those with this special trait can look forward to a better place, the kingdom of heaven.

If you are in a relationship that isn’t going well, it’s hard to be humble. It takes maturity to not want to “fight back”, to give as good as you got. This kind of humility can only come from God as we act in obedience and “get small”. Hang in there, better days are coming, know that this situation may not be just about you. You are in that other person’s life for a reason, and I guarantee God wants that other person to see Himself reflected in you.

The Message translation puts it this way, “When you’re at the end of your rope, you know there is less of you, but more of God.” I must get small so He can get large.

Be Comforted

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). You may be in mourning for other reasons than the death of a loved one. We also mourn when we experience the death of a relationship. I’ve met grandmothers who lament they have lost touch with grandkids because of a divorce of their child. That pain is so hard to bear as a grandparent, and they usually had nothing to do with the divorce. It seems so unfair.

Feel free to lament to God. He can take your emotions and your pain. Ask Him for comfort, and it will be provided to you. The Message bible puts it this way, “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.” God stands ready to meet every emotional need you have, all you have to do is ask.

Be Gentle

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5). Being meek or gentle with a person who is not being gentle with you is not easy. It helps me to focus on my identity. God created me, and He is the only one who gets to define who I am. I don’t even have the right to define myself, I must only learn who I am through Christ. So no other person, no matter how sure they sound, can define who I am. Their slander, bad treatment, and lies don’t change my identity in any way.

I am a daughter of the King, and I am an heiress of heaven. Nothing changes that, period. If you struggle with having a gentle response to prickly people, remember who you are and whose you are. Have a royal perspective as you deal with contentious relationships. This perspective will not only help you keep your cool, but it just might diffuse the whole situation.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought” (Matthew 5:5 MSG).

Be Satisfied

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (Matthew 5:6). Feeling empty happens when we have expectations that other people are going to fill our needs and they don’t. Actually, no person can fill all our needs every single day. There are two reasons for this.

1. No person can really understand our emotional needs. Each of us has 40 basic human needs. But for each of us, that list of 40 is ranked differently based on our personality. So our most compelling needs are probably very different from our spouse or parent or friend.
2. No person can fulfill our needs all the time because they are probably trying to get us to fill their needs! Ask yourself, what are my prickly person’s needs? And can I – or do I – want to meet them?

Instead of hungering and thirsting for another person to meet my expectations, hunger and thirst for righteousness. Righteousness is personal, it’s seeing my own flaws and sin, and having a deep brokenness for my failures and a desire to grow to be more like Christ and overcome those flaws. With an attitude like that, God abundantly fills me up to overflowing.

[Tweet “When we have more of God, we need less of prickly people.”]

The Message puts it this way, “You’re blessed when you ‘ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.”

Be Merciful

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy” (Matthew 5:7). It’s easy to be charitable to those we see hurting from afar. Our hearts are moved when we see Compassion Child ads, or when we pass a homeless person in the street. But when we know people well, even though they may be struggling with great emotional pain, it’s harder to have compassion and mercy. Why is that?

The more intimately we are acquainted with people, the more clearly we see their faults and selfishness. We are all selfish at the core, even those destitute children in the ads, and even the homeless people on the street. No one escapes the label, Prickly Person!

Hurt people hurt people. When we have become the target of someone’s pain, it is very difficult for us to show them mercy. But this Beatitude reveals the secret of showing mercy. God has already shown us mercy if we are daughters of the King, and out of that experience of receiving compassionate care, we can learn to reciprocate by showing compassion and mercy to others. Even to prickly people.

The Message puts it this way, “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being “care-full”, you find yourselves cared for.”

Be Pure

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8). The word “pure” in the original Greek implies being purified by fire or like a vine that was pruned and cut away. No one likes the thought of being purified in this way. It hurts to be pruned!

Sometimes I think the prickly people are put in our lives for our good. Is there a hint of truth in what they accuse us of? I was very careless and sloppy when I was young, but I would get furious when someone would point that out. Maybe that’s why we get so enraged when prickly people accuse us, is there actually a thread of truth that we don’t want to admit? If so, what are we really mad at?

My careless attitude seeped into many aspects of my life, and I really did need to become more careful and organized. Developing skills in these areas has helped me to raise my kids, launch this blog, publish my book, become a marriage mentor, and a host of other things. My prickly person did recognize I needed to change. But it sure took me a long time to agree with her!

Here’s this verse in The Message: “You’re blessed when you get your inside world – your mind and heart – put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.” We all want to see God at work in our lives, right? Sometimes that means we have to listen to prickly people who might not be the most diplomatic and get the big fat log out of our eyes.

Be Peaceful

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). Our Prince of Peace came to earth to bring peace between us and God. He is the source of peace in our relationships. When I can grow to be a peacemaker, I resemble my Savior.

Like all parents, God loves to see His traits in His children. Don’t you love it when someone points out that your daughter has your dimples or your son has your artistic ability? That’s how God feels as well when He sees us becoming like Him. God has work for us to do, but we can only do His work when our behavior gives glory to Him. Does your prickly person see you as a peacemaker? If we asked her, who would she say was her prickly person?

This verse in The Message: “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.” And that’s when your prickly person discovers who you really are as well!

Be Unshakable

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:10). I think we might be tempted to leave out the “because of righteousness” phrase. We have to be cautious that we don’t insert other phrases in its place:

• Because of judgmentalism
• Because of hypocrisy
• Because of phoniness
• Because of sanctimoniousness

I have to be aware that if I’m being persecuted because of my own sin and selfishness, I am NOT blessed. Even if I’m a daughter of the King.

Be unshakable in following all the other “Be-Attitudes”. Then, if you are persecuted for your faith, you are blessed as you live today in the kingdom of heaven. All the attitudes listed here create one amazing Jesus-follower who experiences the kingdom every single day. We won’t be perfect at this until we’re in heaven. But heaven knows, we certainly can make progress until then!

[Tweet “God isn’t asking us to be perfect but to faithfully model ourselves after the Perfect One.”]

Here’s this verse in The Message: “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.” You will actually live His kingdom when you live like a princess.

Be Resilient

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (Matthew 5:11-12).

The final Be-attitude sums up the whole list. Persecution that comes from those who reject Jesus is a reason to be joyful. I don’t think I’ve ever been persecuted, but I have been insulted because of Jesus. I’ve seen rolling eyes and I know things have been said behind my back.

If you’ve experienced these kinds of things, you are in good company. We can’t complain too much since the prophets mostly got killed! I hope someday others can easily see how small, comforted, gentle, satisfied, merciful, pure, peaceful, unshakable, and resilient I am. I will have earned the right to be truly persecuted for my faith in Jesus.

Making Peace with Prickly People

Visit my Prickly People page to find out more details about my book and my freebies:

• Prickly People Prayer Calendar
• Making Peace with Prickly People Study Guide
• Personality Assessment
• and more.

Take a journey with me to transforming your relationships by loving God, yourself, and others. Which “Be-attitude” is most challenging for you?

…because U count, deb